There aren’t words in the English language to express everything swirling and whirling inside me. First we had ‘shelter in place’ and then we watched George Floyd die. Both of these events resonates with the world because we are all in danger of authority over-stepping its bounds on a personal level: each individual human being level.. And, a deadly virus does not discriminate.
I am white. My husband, as most of you know is black (he doesn’t like ‘African-American’ because he wasn’t born in Africa and will probably never see Africa). I have worried about him on some of the jobs he has worked for us. I was worried someone would jump him, or gang him, or he would have to defend himself and be the one taken to jail. There are concerts we haven’t gone to, certain places in cities, and made sure we were secure in a motel room because someone might be upset by seeing us together. In restaraunts some servers have refused to serve us.
Racism is very real, very dangerous, and it hasn’t gone away, as some claim. It has always been there, simmering just beneath the surface.
So, I am standing. Firmly beside my husband. ALL lives matter.
Sadly, some are calling for the dismantling of the police departments: We need a police deparment because the police aren’t supposed to be for the law abiders, but for those who are not. There are many good police men and women. The bad ones need to be weeded out. Police officers are not divine, they are human beings. Not all human beings are good either.
With this said, I firmly believe the good humans far out number the bad humans on this planet.
I am still waiting on the replacement cord for my laptop. Sho, in the meantime, I’ve been painting and drawing. Here are a couple of two pint my new favorites. No need to force you to endure all the not-so-good drawing and painting.
This is Misha, a high ranking spy and assassin for the Russian Mouse Mafia. He is considered extremely dangerous and can pass for a regular, garden variety mouse. BEWARE OF THIS MOUSE!
Life has not been boring in Kentucky. In my part of the state. Well catch up with everyone very soon. Laptop cord bit the dust so having to wake in one to be mailed to me.
How is your all’s quarantine going?
You know those times in your life when everything sucks and ‘good’ I’d relative to hire less sucky one thing is than another? Yep, right there in the middle be I.
Just as my world was finally seeking with somewhat firm footing…er…wheel grip, a huge boulder capsized my more sturdy boat than me alone and nearly drown me in devils’ raging rapids. (If I cannot laugh I am afraid I will become a bitter old woman before its tune.)
There are so many things going on within my world, not least of which is a very sick sister, it is difficult to keep on a forward momentum – centimeter by centimeter forward. It is so darned difficult to get that seemed centimetre, too!
I know this is going to sound stupid, but the weight is SO heavy it feels…less. It feels impossible. If ‘impossible’ possessed a weight, that would be it for me.
So, what should I do about it all? This has been the super big question on my mind for a good portion of the day, and i just don’t have an answer. Plus, the blogosphere feels like the only shadow of a friend I have left to talk to
Can you all send positive vibes or prayers my way for the next couple of days? I would appreciate it.
I am not exactly sure where April has gone, for me at least. It is one of those Rip Van Winkle moments where you feel like you’ve been somewhere else, and then, spooky sudden – you are right back…here – wherever ‘here’ happens to be at the time. Make sense? Sort of?
Not until all this scary business began with COVID-19 and I was forced to slow down in order to ‘wake up’. Upon waking, I have seen 100% clearly just how horribly down and uncertain I was. Now the fear has over-run the ‘down’ and determination is slowly overcoming the uncertainty. Does this mean everything is straightened out and I know where I am heading now?
You are right: Nope.
It means, more or less, my proverbial feet are finally back under me and there is energy to use to help change things for betterment in general. The energy level should increase the more I do each day.
Today I began doing a light stretch standing on my feet at the doorframe of my room. It is going to be a struggle to keep going, so I am seriously counting on the determination here.
What have you learned in this quarantine?
I am still hearing a lot of people say, “This is just the flu! All we need to do is to let it run its course! People are being too panicky.”
Over and over again, medical professionals have said COVID-19 is not the flu, but it was created using the SARS and COVID-2 flus. So, to help more people, here is a wonderful video about how COVID-19 kills you.
This is a real threat, people.
Today I put my foot in the stirrup and hoisted myself back into the saddle. So far today I have written over 1,063 words and feel like my soul has taken its first deep breath in years.
Life is still trying to kick us in the arse, but we are slowly beginning to do OK. We don’t have any water and haven’t had water for going on four months now, and the house still isn’t like it needs to be, but we can take care of this I think, believe.
For the past couple of days, the sun has come out, and today it is warm enough for me to go outside and sit on the porch with a light cover over my legs. I understand just how a turtle feels when crawling out of their winter burrow, or pretty close.
It has taken me quite a while to get my head through all the thoughts and worries it was packed with. Most of the thoughts and worries were about things I simply couldn’t do anything about. They were completely out of my realm to affect. So, after gathering up all the energy I had, I began working on the things I could affect. Since I was finally doing something, anything productive, the dark thoughts and worries I had no control over slowly began to evaporate, at the very least they went onto some back burner in my brain. Boy, did that free up a lot of room in there!
Plus, out of eight puppies, three have survived and they aren’t anywhere I’ve decided. The Husband worked too hard to save them for me to give them away. And, I have to admit, I have become very attached to the little girl who survived. We are calling her ‘Snips’. I think she is becoming attached to me as well.
In other news, life rolls on.
Have a good one out there.