Beyond Words

Just a really quick moment to wave and say hi!  The novel is running and I am doing my best to keep up.  I know for certain Chapter One is ready and the following chapters, as far as final draft are concerned, are coming along nicely.  I will try my best and update as much as possible this week.  Last week I worked every day and, by the end of each one, I was mentally and emotionally drained and blogging/visiting was impossible.

Back to work for m.  Hope everyone’s day is going well!

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And We Turn Yet Again

Working.  Writing is difficult.  In general, it is difficult.  It is especially difficult when you don’t feel well.  Since I haven’t received any comments or likes on the posts of the past month and detailing my life, as it were, I have removed all of those posts and have decided to just keep going as necessary.  The public has spoken, or not spoken, as it were.  It is always difficult to tell what will be popular and what won’t.  Part of me feels as if I should be upset, but, in truth, I don’t.  It was an experiment, and it didn’t go well.

The deadline for the story is still November, however, I believe it may not be until the last day of November when it is finished and up on Kindle.  As long as I meet the November deadline I’ve set for myself, I will be very happy and accomplish the main goal I set for myself this year.

Here in Kentucky, we are in full fall.  The trees are deciding if they want to turn or not.  Some trees are trying on different colors for the big Fall Fling.  I am excited to see what the fall tree fashion is going to be like.

Music:  “Playing Dead”, Bobaflex, Album- Hell In My Heart

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Wherein The Writer Posts An Update

Hi all!  I’ve been writing.  Seriously working for the first time in a number of months and I feel…relieved, to be honest.

This novel is going a different way and there are several different sections written, waiting to be inserted at the proper time and order.  I’ve never written like this before and it feels weird and exhilarating.  Now I have reached the beginning chapter so will start keeping tabs on words.

Oh…yeah:  I have been challenged to truthfully recount my days with the pain and how I handle the world.  This challenge comes from a friend and cousin whom I love very much and I am taking them up on it, though I won’t begin this task until tomorrow.  For now – words:

Total words so far chapter one:  1755

Reason for stopping:  Laptop began to grumble about being too hot.

Favorite line today:  N/A

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Back At Long Last

The vacation was much needed.  Although I couldn’t escape from the pain, I managed to find the space needed to rest, relax, and recoup from everything going on, so far, this year.  Now I am feeling renewed and as refreshed as possible with the weather changing and sending the arthritis into overdrive on the “I really hate you” front.  This, however, is normal.  I rather like “normal” sometimes.  

During the vacation, I’ve discovered that, although my Kindle is wonderful, it really can’t handle everything I do, want to do, or need to do, especially on the writing front.  If anyone uses a tablet to write on the go and take pictures, etc., could you share your tab!et choices and why you chose it?  I have looked at several, including a Samsung Galaxies E, which does seem to fit most of the criteria I have.  Does anyone out there use this particular one?

Now that i am back, there is a highdive into the ink mines!  Getting excited and nervous as the self-imposed deadline approaches.  Following through with the idea Cheyenne suggested has pushed the creativity.

In other, not so pleasant news:  We had to put our 19 year old

 Gabby down.  I really miss her.  What is worse is Sniffleshad to put Dot down just two weeks before.  The household is down to four dogs.  All boys.


Dot T Napoleon Stewart

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Review – Close Range

After watching Boyka:  Undisputed, I decided to watch another Scott Adkins flick.  This time I chose Close Range.  I should’ve chosen another movie.  Boyka:  Undisputed had everything I could ask for in an action flick.  It had lots of well-done action sequences and there was a story you could get behind.  Sadly, Close Range had very few of these things.

The story propelling Close Range forward is family.  Scott Adkins’ character, Colton MacReady, goes into Mexico to rescue his niece.  She is a teenager and he hasn’t seen her for years, but she has been kidnapped by a drug cartel and taken to Mexico as hostage until her stepdad can provide the main bad guy, ludicrously named “El Jeffe”, with some dope he was helping to smuggle.  Stepdad kept some cocaine back for himself.  “I didn’t think he would miss it,” he said, which made me roll my eyes.  A drug dealer isn’t going to miss the delivery shipment is short?  Give me a break.  What’s worse is Stepdad has a horrible Southern accent, slicked back hair, and an open bowling shirt open over a white tee shirt.  Thankfully it doesn’t take Stepdad long to get killed.

The woman playing Sister MacReady gave a very flat performance.  Supposedly she grew up on a ranch, but as for shooting a gun, well, she didn’t do so well.  Her performance was SO bad I pretty much ignored her scenes.  However, the niece’s performance was passable.

One of my main beefs with this movie is the amount of ammunition that was fired and how few targets were hit.  Round after round was fired from various weapons and the hits were just lucky.  I bet they fired over five boxes of ammunition in the movie (fake, of course) and people were still left alive for Scott Adkins’ character to take them out one-on-one.  There wasn’t any other option left to him even though he was supposed to be a soldier and mercenary.

The one-on-one action sequences were good though.  Scott Adkins’ performance says he knows what he is doing as far as martial arts is concerned and were a pleasure to watch.  His martial arts is about the only thing good in this movie.

So, don’t watch this movie unless you are keeping copies of all Scott Adkins’ movies.  If this is the case get the DVD, but don’t worry about watching it unless you have a drinking game going on with how many people do not get shot.

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Review – Boyka: Undisputed

 

I am an action film fan.  Some would say I borderline on fanatic.  Either way, I love me some action movies.  This past weekend I was roaming around Netflix and discovered Boyka:  Undisputed starring Scott Adkins.  It is a very good movie!

There are a lot of action movies that leave you either wanting action or a story.  This one has both – story and action.  The fight scenes are done very well and the acting is more than passable and enter into the realm of good with a few bordering on great!

Up until this movie, I hadn’t really paid too much attention to Adkins to be honest.  After watching the movie, I am going to make sure and catch his movies a lot more often, and I am going to look up the rest of the Boyka movies.

In this edition of Boyka, the main character kills his opponent in the ring and then goes about gaining forgiveness for the act, which was accidental, by helping the dead fighter’s family.  What happens in his search for forgiveness pushes the movie forward plausibly.

If you like action movies, I highly recommend you checking out this latest edition in the Boyka saga.

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‘You Wouldn’t Think the Ashes of a Man Would Be So Heavy’: Remembering Sam Shepard

There is a link to read The New Yorker story. Please do. It is excellent. I always admired this man’s writing and enjoyed his acting.

Longreads

Broadway World reports today that Oscar-nominated actor and Pulitzer-winning playwright Sam Shepard has died at 73 of complications from ALS, AKA Lou Gherig’s disease.

In recent years, Shepard was best known as an actor, in the last few years appearing as the Rayburn family patriarch in the Netflix drama Bloodline. But he was a prolific, ground-breaking playwright, and a key player in the Off-Broadway movement of the ’60s and ’70s. According to The New York Times, Shepard won a Pulitzer in 1979 for The Curse of the Starving Class, and received nominations for two others, True West, and Fool for Love.

His work examined toxic masculinity at a time when that was rare. The son of an alcoholic farmer, he explored male aggression as it is often passed down from fathers to sons. In 2010, critic John Lahr touched on this in a profile…

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Out And Getting Close To About

Out of hospital.  I do not have epilepsy!

So, what is it?

They don’t know.  It could be a stress response to the chronic pain.  For this possibility I am heading back to pain management for a do-over, or whatever it is they do.  I am also going to the optometrist.

Since I’ve been off the seizure medication, one particular episode has slowed drastically, but other symptoms are still present and headache related.  I am also planning on going to see my optometrist just to make sure these aren’t being caused by something to do with my eyes.

Although I feel as if my normal stress is quite controlled, I don’t try to pay attention to the pain.  So, I’ve begun doing the old tricks I learned to keep things even more positive around me and on the inside, too.  Hopefully they will help me control any subconscious stress over the pain I may be having.  Isn’t it strange how your body lets you know things aren’t right and you need to take care of them now, not later?

Even though I am still having the temporal seizure “episodes”, they are slowing in number, but I still can’t play or watch two video games because of the colors and the flashes.  The Husband says I have no problem playing “matte” games, but to stay away from the other, and, of course, I’ve forgotten what he called them.  And, I am doing just that:  Staying away from the other type of video games.

When the doctor told me I didn’t have epilepsy I was thrilled!  When I asked him what it was and he answered he didn’t know, and that it was probably a stress response my next question was:  “What do we do now?  What’s next?”

“I don’t know,” he answered.  “I’m glad I don’t have to cut on your brain,” he followed up.  I felt cheated.  The next step for him was simply psychotherapy and he left the room.  I felt cheated.  If my problem wasn’t in his expertise, he was through with me.  However, despite his actions, I will find out what is causing these problems and I will find some sort of treatment.  Merely assuming something about a person, especially in the medical professions, is wrong.  I felt, at that moment, as though he was calling me liar, or a faker, a hypochondriac, an attention seeker.  I am none of those things.  I’ve lived too long with pain.  All I really want is some sort of answer, a good answer, not a guess.  Am I asking too much?  Probably.

Enough of the annoying stuff.  Life is too short for the bullshit and letting it control you.

So:

Tomorrow begins the Dormition Fast.  It is a fast we follow to honor the “falling asleep of the most Holy Lady Theotokos and ever virgin, Mary.”  This year I am going to push further into the fast for my spiritual health.  If I am hiding stress, this will help me.  I’ll post my fasting goals tomorrow, when the fast actually begins.

 

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Day 1 In Hospital

Well, we made it to the hospital on time.  Checked in, and I am sporting a very interesting hair style.  Yes, you’re getting a picture.  I can’t not share because I look SO dorky!

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Since The Husband and I were checked in before eight o’clock this morning, I actually had a breakfast tray, and, man, was I ever so happy to have some food!

Sleeping last night was practically a no-go and though I tried to sleep some this afternoon, I really couldn’t.  In fact, after an hour of almost-dozing, my brain woke up quite well and really needed something to do.  Anything is better than trying to watch hospital TV.  I am SO glad I brought the laptop and the Xbox and games are on their way.

The Husband is stretched out beside me and sleeping better in the hospital than out.  I knew he was worried, but this level of worry, to where he relaxes enough to sleep well in the hospital concerns me just a little because I don’t want him to worry so much.  I guess, if the situation was reversed, I may be in his shoes because I know there are people around us who can handle the situation, whatever it may be, or whenever it might happen.

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Maybe I should break out some books?

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Sleep, Or A Lack Thereof

I play a lot of video games at night these days.  When I have seizures, there is a time Image result for sleepwhere I sleep from 20 minutes to 12 hours.  When this time is over, I am awake.  I am awake and super-aware.  It is as though my brain is a computer that’s been clocked and my thinking is fast.  Really fast.  Once I’ve re-booted, of course.

Friday, July 21, I began having a series of episodes.  I had five and Sniffles called my new neurologist and she said to give me an extra dose of the seizure medication that day, and from then on I was to take one dose in the morning (normal) and two tablets at night (new dosage).  I tried very hard to explain to the neurologist when I saw her I didn’t want to sleep my life away and that I enjoyed having my life.

The dose in the middle of the day helped the left side of my head stop ‘creeping’, which it has done for a good number of weeks now, even before I was first told I was having seizures.  It is one of the signs I am getting ready to have a seizure.

The full aura is the creeping feeling on the left side of my head around my ear and my stomach feeling funny.  The best way to describe the feeling in my stomach is how you feel when you go over a bump really fast and your stomach ‘drops down’.  You know the feeling.  We all enjoy it as a kid, and some people love it so much they ride roller coasters for the thrill and that feeling, as has been described to be by a roller coaster aficionado.  Sometimes my stomach ‘just feels weird’ in a way I can’t describe accurately as to get the sensation, even vaguely, across to someone else.

Because of the episodes, I am not exactly sleeping the way I should.  I can’t.  I am wired without drugs.  I am not ‘high’ or ‘goofing’ as we used to say when I went to high school.  I am just wired.  There is too much energy coursing through me and my thoughts are so quick and thoughts so quick I can’t shut my brain off.  One of the things lack of sleep does is increase my pain.  Yeah, lucky me.  So, what do I do when I am in pain and need a distraction?  I play video games; I listen to audio books; I read books; I write….  Through all of these coping mechanisms, there isn’t one to encourage sleep.  This means I’m tired.  The more tired I am, the more likely I am to have an episode plus a significant increase in my pain level.  It gets pretty rough.

Last night, however, I slept.  I slept in my wheelchair with an ice-pack wrapped in a towel over my eyes, and a light throw over me.  I purposefully didn’t turn on the TV or pick up the headphones for an audio book.  It took a long time for me to make it to sleep, but when I did, I slept hard and was unaware of anything going on around me, which is really unusual because there always seems to be a part of my brain awake, aware.  I believe this comes from growing up in hospitals.  But, last night I slept, and I slept until one o’clock this afternoon.

Part of me feels ashamed of sleeping so long.  I mean, I missed church.  Again.  Sleeping to one o’clock in the afternoon has a connotation you’re lazy, and I never want to be perceived as lazy, because I’m not.  I guess I just really feel guilty for this, and, until I know what’s going on and how to fix it, I am just going to go with the flow; even if I don’t necessarily like it, or approve.

Father T came by yesterday to see me.  His presence was such a comfort to me.  As luck would have it, though, I had an episode while he was here.  Again, there are feelings of guilt.  Of all the people to have a seizure in front of, your spiritual father is not the one I would particularly choose.  At the same time, of all the people, other than my family – Sniffles and Cheyenne included – Father T is surely one of the most understanding of all.  He gave me a blessing before leaving, and I felt, and still feel, more hopeful than before.

Today I have only had one episode.  This one was while I was talking to Sister 2.  Luckily Sniffles was in the room at the time and was able to explain to Sister 2 what was going on.

Another good thing about today is Father T and his wife, my Godmother, came by for a visit and brought us supper so no one in the household tonight needs to cook!  Isn’t that so sweet and thoughtful?!  I think it is.

Packing still needs done.  I am not taking apart the X-Box until the last minute.  I need its diversion for a few more hours.  The book I am taking with me to read is Warbound, by Larry Correia.  The Kindle is coming with me.  The X-Box and a couple of games.  My headset.  Phone.  Charger for Kindle and phone.  My diary.  The laptop.  I am supposed to show the doctors as much of what I do during the day as possible, and I must prepare for a stay of 1-5 days of hospitalization.

Even though it probably doesn’t need to be said, I will be taking my Bible with me and The Ascetical Homilies of Saint Isaac the Syrian.

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