It has rained a lot here in Leslie County this week. When it rains I want to go outside and just sit on the porch. Haven’t done it yet.
My nephew’s funeral went well I’ve heard. I didn’t get to make it. I am OK with that.
Sissy is…in a lot of pain. She has begun having kidney issues, too.
Sissy is fading away slowly. The only way I get to see her is if someone sends me a picture. Thankfully, we talk, or at least communicate with each other, every day.
All the time, in the back of my head somewhere, I am thinking, “My Sissy is dying of cancer.” Incredulous! Then a part of me wants to panic: “O my God! How do I help? How can I help? I can’t help, dammit, because my body is broken! But still, How can I help her? How can I show her just how much she matters in my world and that I’m really going to miss her when she is no longer in my realm?”
Emotional rollercoaster I’m on one.
To fight against everything disheartening in my life, I am going back to being creative. I’ve been painting, drawing, reading, and slowly beginning to write again. Just one thing can’t hold this…whatever it is I have now. Luckily, my mediums of expression can compliment each other and co-exist without feeling totally draining on yours truly.
I am enjoying the creative expression, but, it isn’t helping to take away the pain of what my beloved Sissy is going through, but it is helping me deal with the change coming our way.