Here in the mountains of Kentucky we are experiencing one of the many spring ‘winters’. They happen when certain trees and bushes bloom. Now we are in ‘blackberry winter’ which means the flowers are falling off the blackberry bushes. After this there shouldn’t be any more ‘winters’ to have to contend with.
The weather fits what is happening with my world. There is such brightness in the family, yet there is a dullness, a coldness if you will because the family is changing, becoming less numerous. If it were a quilt we would be making a patch to go over the empty place. You can’t make patches though until the hole reaches a certain point. That point is nearing and I am not exactly sure how I feel.
There is sadness yes, but not the normal anger and desire to fight against the windmill giant to make things better. There isn’t any way things are going to get better. Yes, I know God can miraculously heal them, and I believe this with my whole heart and soul, but healing them is God’s choice and decision. Am I angry because God hasn’t healed my sister and nephew? No.
God doesn’t send horrible things onto people. Bad things just happen and it is how we decide to use those horrible things is what is important. Increase of faith and belief can occur while going through the bad things for the person and the family going through those horrible things.
My family isn’t the only one losing people to cancer’s ravages. There are thousands, perhaps millions of families and people, going through this. Does this make things easier? Yes and no. Yes, because there are people out there in the world who understand, and no because I love my sister and nephew tremendously and I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to say farewell yet. It is far too soon.
Still, the sun is shining. There is new green leaves upon the trees of so many shades and variants words fail to express their beauty. There is also a sense of nobility and strength that comes from them, too.
I am glad I am home for this change, but I would prefer not to have to go through it at all.