I have been trying to figure out how to write this blog post for a number of days now, and I still don’t have it figured out completely, but decided it was best to just begin and see how it all flows out. I am afraid if I don’t just begin writing something somewhere the words are going to go away.
There is no other way to say this, so: I think I am finally beginning to recover from the destruction of my entire world.
Yes, the move was bad. The circumstances surrounding the move were horrible, and I was able to pretend for a very long time I was OK and handling it well, but, when the holidays began approaching, I fell apart. I fell apart hard. I fell so far as to think sending my husband away would be better for him because I couldn’t see a future for myself at all, much less us together.
He stuck with me though. He even helped by listening when I finally reached a point to where I could talk about everything and how I was feeling. The Husband did exactly what a husband should do and I look at him now with a different respect and can relax some.
In the depths of this misery I submitted Faery’s Kiss and it has since been rejected. However, instead of just a plain form email saying the company “doesn’t have a place” for my story in their company, etc., the “rejector” actually gave me some advice and pointed out some errors and many positive things about the piece. The only problem is I am going to have to do a complete overhaul of the story to effect some of the changes suggested. Part of me wants to rant and rave because I worked so hard on Faery’s Kiss and it was super important to me as it is, but the truth is – they are right. I don’t want to admit it, but they are right.
Since the story is Faery’s Kiss is complete, I am going to turn my attention to a different story and give the fantasy a break for a couple of weeks or months and go back afterwards and see about getting a better story out of it. Normally I would just give up on a story once rejected, but I am not this time. This time I can actually see a future for the piece and want to give it the chance to be read by others who might also enjoy what I so loved writing and creating.
My ‘world’ hasn’t returned to ‘normal’ because what was normal is no longer possible. I let myself grieve for its passing, and now can take a deep breath again and can move forward, one step at a time. I don’t know what this phase of my life holds, but, I think, I can finally look up and move forward.
One thing is for certain: I couldn’t have pulled out of this downward spiral without The Husband, “Sister4” and her family; and most importantly God, because there had to be some divine intervention to get what pieces of Me remained and in some sort of proper order where I could/can function.