Out of hospital. I do not have epilepsy!
So, what is it?
They don’t know. It could be a stress response to the chronic pain. For this possibility I am heading back to pain management for a do-over, or whatever it is they do. I am also going to the optometrist.
Since I’ve been off the seizure medication, one particular episode has slowed drastically, but other symptoms are still present and headache related. I am also planning on going to see my optometrist just to make sure these aren’t being caused by something to do with my eyes.
Although I feel as if my normal stress is quite controlled, I don’t try to pay attention to the pain. So, I’ve begun doing the old tricks I learned to keep things even more positive around me and on the inside, too. Hopefully they will help me control any subconscious stress over the pain I may be having. Isn’t it strange how your body lets you know things aren’t right and you need to take care of them now, not later?
Even though I am still having the temporal seizure “episodes”, they are slowing in number, but I still can’t play or watch two video games because of the colors and the flashes. The Husband says I have no problem playing “matte” games, but to stay away from the other, and, of course, I’ve forgotten what he called them. And, I am doing just that: Staying away from the other type of video games.
When the doctor told me I didn’t have epilepsy I was thrilled! When I asked him what it was and he answered he didn’t know, and that it was probably a stress response my next question was: “What do we do now? What’s next?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’m glad I don’t have to cut on your brain,” he followed up. I felt cheated. The next step for him was simply psychotherapy and he left the room. I felt cheated. If my problem wasn’t in his expertise, he was through with me. However, despite his actions, I will find out what is causing these problems and I will find some sort of treatment. Merely assuming something about a person, especially in the medical professions, is wrong. I felt, at that moment, as though he was calling me liar, or a faker, a hypochondriac, an attention seeker. I am none of those things. I’ve lived too long with pain. All I really want is some sort of answer, a good answer, not a guess. Am I asking too much? Probably.
Enough of the annoying stuff. Life is too short for the bullshit and letting it control you.
Tomorrow begins the Dormition Fast. It is a fast we follow to honor the “falling asleep of the most Holy Lady Theotokos and ever virgin, Mary.” This year I am going to push further into the fast for my spiritual health. If I am hiding stress, this will help me. I’ll post my fasting goals tomorrow, when the fast actually begins.