Out And Getting Close To About

Out of hospital.  I do not have epilepsy!

So, what is it?

They don’t know.  It could be a stress response to the chronic pain.  For this possibility I am heading back to pain management for a do-over, or whatever it is they do.  I am also going to the optometrist.

Since I’ve been off the seizure medication, one particular episode has slowed drastically, but other symptoms are still present and headache related.  I am also planning on going to see my optometrist just to make sure these aren’t being caused by something to do with my eyes.

Although I feel as if my normal stress is quite controlled, I don’t try to pay attention to the pain.  So, I’ve begun doing the old tricks I learned to keep things even more positive around me and on the inside, too.  Hopefully they will help me control any subconscious stress over the pain I may be having.  Isn’t it strange how your body lets you know things aren’t right and you need to take care of them now, not later?

Even though I am still having the temporal seizure “episodes”, they are slowing in number, but I still can’t play or watch two video games because of the colors and the flashes.  The Husband says I have no problem playing “matte” games, but to stay away from the other, and, of course, I’ve forgotten what he called them.  And, I am doing just that:  Staying away from the other type of video games.

When the doctor told me I didn’t have epilepsy I was thrilled!  When I asked him what it was and he answered he didn’t know, and that it was probably a stress response my next question was:  “What do we do now?  What’s next?”

“I don’t know,” he answered.  “I’m glad I don’t have to cut on your brain,” he followed up.  I felt cheated.  The next step for him was simply psychotherapy and he left the room.  I felt cheated.  If my problem wasn’t in his expertise, he was through with me.  However, despite his actions, I will find out what is causing these problems and I will find some sort of treatment.  Merely assuming something about a person, especially in the medical professions, is wrong.  I felt, at that moment, as though he was calling me liar, or a faker, a hypochondriac, an attention seeker.  I am none of those things.  I’ve lived too long with pain.  All I really want is some sort of answer, a good answer, not a guess.  Am I asking too much?  Probably.

Enough of the annoying stuff.  Life is too short for the bullshit and letting it control you.


Tomorrow begins the Dormition Fast.  It is a fast we follow to honor the “falling asleep of the most Holy Lady Theotokos and ever virgin, Mary.”  This year I am going to push further into the fast for my spiritual health.  If I am hiding stress, this will help me.  I’ll post my fasting goals tomorrow, when the fast actually begins.



About Henrietta Handy

I am a Kentucky mountain girl far from home, perhaps far from the girl years. I am an aspiring writer with a wonderful husband who puts up with this writing and reading addiction I have. He also puts up with all of the yarn and knitting. I have four canine children and a ton of friends I love dearly. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 2 1/2 and have still managed to have a good life despite all the pain. So, I invite you to join me in this journey and just possibly have fun along the way.
This entry was posted in 2017, epiphanies, family, health, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Out And Getting Close To About

  1. Brian Bixby says:

    I am only now getting caught up in blogs after a small trial of my own (which is now over). I’m happy to hear you don’t have epilepsy. Being without a diagnosis isn’t fun, but at least it means they’ve ruled out some of the more common problems. So you simply have to regard yourself as uncommon. That won’t be too hard, will it? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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