Knitting, Thinking, & Living, O My!

Well, after several weeks of being on the new medication, I can fully say the miracle continues.  However, a friend of mine, after reading the post about how some people at church said they were happy for me sort of in a sideways manner, brought something to my attention I never noticed before:  a)  The people who gave me the “sideways” congratulations don’t know me.  They barely know what is going on at church some days.  b)  Those who know me, said they were happy for me and meant it, although a couple of them said, “I hope this sticks.”  I can’t help but laugh with them because, sometimes, the miracle can be short-term.  Why?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I think God takes away part of a burden for a while so you can face everything before giving it back to you to carry, and learn from, until He can take it away from you, finally, for good.  c)  I wasn’t upset because those “sideways” congratulations weren’t genuine for me, but because the spiritual growth of the other person(s) were, I felt, almost stunted.  And, d) I judged them on it!

Yeah, d) sucks.  I fell into a trap and I’ve been called up about it, and I can never be more grateful than I am to my friend who pointed this out to me.  I am not perfect, and have a long way to go, but, I’ve apologized to the people whom I felt were giving me “sideways” congratulations and have received some of the biggest surprises and blessings yet!  One lady, I’ll call her…Flower….  Flower said, when I spoke with her on the phone, “I didn’t understand what was going on really.  You always have a smile and you are always concerned about others.  I didn’t understand, and still don’t understand, how you can say it was a miracle when you are still in the wheelchair.”  Well, Flower and I had a wonderful talk.  I shared some of my life with her, and she shared some of her life with me.  It was genuinely rewarding on both sides.  Flower has called to ask me a couple of questions about arthritis and how to cope with pain better for a family member.

The second person I contacted said, quite bluntly, they didn’t look at medicine at all as a miracle, but if I did they wouldn’t argue.  This person also said a number of other things, none of which were positive.  Still, I swallowed what was left of my pride (it was quite small by this time) and apologized and asked them for their forgiveness.  They accepted my apology and gave me their forgiveness and said, “You don’t realize it now, but you’re an addict.  No one can hurt so much as you claim.  You have a lot of people fooled, but I’ve seen all of this before.  No one can hurt so much.  I’ve heard other people say the same things, but all they really want are pain medicines, and it never seems to help for long before the whine for more.”  What do I say to these words?  If they don’t believe a person can be in such pain, there really isn’t anything I can say to change their minds or really educate them.  The only way they can comprehend the truth is if they are in the same amount of pain.  Quite frankly, I don’t want anyone to be in that amount of pain to understand.  I genuinely don’t want anyone to go through that sort of hellishness to comprehend where I, or another chronic pain sufferer, is coming from.  There is already enough “bad” going on in the world.

All-in-all I believe apologizing and asking for forgiveness was crucial for my Soul and accepting I made a mistake and judged someone is something I’ll need to go to Confession for.

I am sweeping the floors, Swiffering really, and able to take dishes to the sink.  I am able to put my clothes on hangers and put them onto the clothes rack.  I am able to help The Husband with paperwork, as well as a few other things I’ve simply not had the energy to do or help with.  The dogs, especially Willie, are so used to playing throughout the day now they don’t accept easily not receiving the amount of attention they’re used to getting daily.  Besides all this, I’ve been knitting, planning knitting projects, and working on collecting bags for making plarn.

This past weekend I caught a bug and felt just awful!  Not feeling well enough to do any of my exercises or get out to do anything, even go to church, was actually a surprise because “feeling awful” isn’t the normal anymore.  Isn’t this a wonderful development?!

About Henrietta Handy

I have returned home to the mountains. No more am I "a mountain-girl far from home." Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 2 1/2, I understand pain, fatigue, laughter, joy, and love all while on crutches and in wheelchairs. This blog is just about me, mostly the writing side, but there are forays into so many different topics. I am married to a wonderful husband who puts up with my writing, knitting, yarn, with the love of a saint. We have fur babies, and one cat who rules us all.
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