noun, plural quandaries

a state of perplexity or uncertainty, especially as to what to do;dilemma.
As you can imagine, I am in a quandary about something.  As many of you know, I am fighting to lose weight.  Every day is a battle.  Some days I just don’t want to be in this battle, and, honestly, between food and pain the food battle is a lot easier to deal with.
Most of my weight comes from a sedentary life-style and being in a wheelchair.  I also love to eat.  In my recent eating battles I don’t eat when I’m anxious.  This is a BIG discover for me.  I don’t eat when I’m angry.  I definitely don’t eat when the pain is high.  BUT I do love food.  I love the different tastes and sensations of different food.  When it is feasible and safe, I LOVE to cook and share my food with people.  Part of this is due to being Southern and part is due simply to the fact I love sharing.  (Remember my Christmas and birthday problem when people don’t want to open their presents right away?  Yeah, kind of like that, just BIGGER!)
Since I’ve been on this weight war for a while I, and others, can look at me and see I am winning!  *breaks into Happy Dance!*  Now people are very curious as  to how I’m doing it.  I say, ‘Hard work and telling myself ‘No’ when I really want to just say ‘Yes!”
‘No, really, what are you doing?  You’re in a wheelchair after all,’ is one reply I’ve been getting a lot.  Mind you, this isn’t coming from my husband or my house mates because we all know how hard this is since every one of us is trying to lose weight and be healthier.  Of all of us, Cheyenne is the one you can see the most change in.  He inspires me to keep going.
I’m getting this from physical therapists and occupational therapists and nurses.
‘You need to write about this!  It can inspire SO many people out there!’ they say.
Here is where the quandary comes in:  How in the world could me writing about my own weight loss be inspiring anyone else in a wheelchair?  Just because I am in a wheelchair I am pretty much just like anyone else.  Instead of manambulating on my feet it is done on wheels.  Somehow, writing about my weight loss makes me feel like I’m saying, ‘Hey!  Look at me!  Look at what I’m doing over here!  Pay attention to me!’ and, truthfully, I don’t really want to call attention to my struggle with losing weight.  It is hard.  It is a struggle, and even though I’m succeeding, even with some big bright failures some days, it is a very private struggle.
Yes, I write about it some days here, but I don’t write about it often.  Or try not to.  I make an effort not to moan and groan about having to say no to a regular Coke or how seeing a chocolate doughnut once nearly put me into tears because I was hurting super bad and I just wanted a chocolate something.  The commercial came on and I wanted to cry.  Instead of crying or being depressed, though, I got myself a Diet Pepsi and I found something else to occupy my time.  Huh, so I do use food  to make me feel better on the sad days.  Good to know.
Anyway, I don’t know what to do, really.  Should I give in and write about what I’m doing about weight loss?  If so, should it be a different journal or should it just be included here?
Should I do it even though it isn’t something I necessarily want to do?

About Henrietta Handy

I have returned home to the mountains. No more am I "a mountain-girl far from home." Diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 2 1/2, I understand pain, fatigue, laughter, joy, and love all while on crutches and in wheelchairs. This blog is just about me, mostly the writing side, but there are forays into so many different topics. I am married to a wonderful husband who puts up with my writing, knitting, yarn, with the love of a saint. We have fur babies, and one cat who rules us all.
This entry was posted in 2016, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Quandary

  1. Brian Bixby says:

    Don’t write about it UNLESS YOU decide you have a good reason to write about it. Is it tough, losing weight when it means changing habits? Can hearing about one person doing it inspire/encourage others? Sure. But do YOU have something to say about all this, something you feel has to go out?

    It’s like writing your fiction. No matter how good it may sound, if it doesn’t contribute to what you want to do, then it shouldn’t be in your story. And a description of part of your life should be here in your blog, if it relates to the reasons you write a blog, and only then.

    You HAVE mentioned weight issues before. Was it because they loomed important in your life, gave your readers some idea of what you and your life are like, just felt good to write about, etc.? Will writing more about them serve similar ends, or add new ones?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I so needed a touch stone! A friend even called and asked me what my new blog was going to be called and I said I hadn’t made up my mind and she became very upset. She believes it is a stepping stone to a wonderful ‘guru’ career. Personally I don’t know what that means exactly. All I know is I don’t want to do it and if I write about it on my regular blog, here, it is important at the time or I’ve discovered something about myself I’d like to share.

      Liked by 1 person

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