Today has been a good, exhausting day. The Husband took an impromptu day off because of business we needed attended to. By the time the business was dealt with we decided to go to Richmond and see Poppy (my father-in-law).
The drive to Richmond was beautiful. The sky was blue with just a smattering of clouds here and there and the sun was bright and quite warm coming through the van windows. It was so warm, in fact, there is a slight sunburn to the right side of my face. I had dressed for cooler temperatures and ended up so hot by the time we reached Richmond, a mere 30-40 miles away, I was so hot I felt nauseous! Thankfully I was wearing a dress with the sweater over it, so The Husband, at my behest, stopped at a local shop and purchased me a tee-shirt for me to wear. The Husband is a very fashion conscious person and bought me a tee to go well over the dress. (I wanted a tee because the dress I was wearing was strapless, and it is just a little too soon, in my opinion, to be wearing a strapless dress. It won’t be long though. Not long indeed.) However, by the time we stopped to get something to eat and I put the tee on, clouds moved in and it was cool again, but not cool enough for the sweater. Spring weather in Kentucky is enough to drive a woman bonkers!
Visiting with Poppy is always fun. It was a while since I was able to travel down there to see him and it felt so good just to talk with him and catch up. It would’ve been more enjoyable, though, if I’d gotten some restful sleep last night.
Last night I dozed fitfully. It was too hot. It was too cool. Willie, bigger now, was snuggling close and I just couldn’t get comfortable so was having him move constantly. The Husband wasn’t sleeping well either. As the sun was beginning to come up I finally drifted off to sleep, and, about an hour later, the alarm went off for us to get up. Both of us just lay there through a couple of “snoozes.” This means, for most of the day, I was fighting through a fog in order to visit. Add to this an irrational guilt because I wasn’t writing, finishing up the current story or at least getting the current section finished and the next one begun. As I said, it wasn’t “rational” in any way, but it was there.
I was so out-of-sorts today I simply threw my diet to the wind and ate whatever I wanted. I am not feeling guilty about it, though: I promised myself one day a week I was going to eat anything I wanted. I set Tuesday as the day this would happen. Since it happened today I don’t know whether to stick with the plan or eating what I want tomorrow or just saying I’ve had my day this week and jump back into things with both feet.
Today I realized just how difficult it is to stick to plans for eating, etc., when tired and not having enough energy to do everything. There just wasn’t enough energy resources in my body to make good decisions. This isn’t an excuse – it is an observation I’ve not made before. The dots connected today, in other words.
This dieting experience – I hate calling it “a diet” because it is a change, an on-going, permanent change that simply doesn’t have another title – is connecting to everything in my life. As the weight decreases the word flow and word count increases; also, as the weight decreases the energy flow increases and thus increases the productivity of creative material. Even the thought processes are changing for the positive because there is beginning to be more energy to actually do more things than what I’ve been able to do before now. I find this amazing because the goal weight hasn’t been reached – How much more productive will I be when the goal weight is reached? How much more will I be able to do?!
Changing old habits is hard. Very hard. It isn’t impossible. And, honestly, I would prefer to not have to change, as in, not have to diet and exercise and lose weight. If I had my preference I would prefer all my writing to be wonderful and nothing fatty I ate would end up on my body and decrease my energy and increase my pain level. I would prefer not to need to count carbs or make time to exercise. I would prefer for stories to pop whole out of my head already on paper without spending an hour trying to find just the right word to fit in a sentence. However, I’m not sure writing would be as much fun that way and, as for losing weight, I don’t believe I would appreciate what I am accomplishing as much.
It is late now and I need to be heading off to bed. I just wanted to share this new understanding with you.