Can you tell, feel the sarcasm in the title? Good.
The Kentucky Mountain Girl News has been on hiatus because of severe weather changes and thus severe arthritis pain, and a broken wheelchair, a dislocated rib, and just possibly a broken rib, and this makes me not want to sit to try to write or do much of anything to be honest.
Monday of last week yours truly tilted in her wheelchair – remember the tilting rule every two hours? – and there was a loud POW! Simultaneously the left side of the dropped dramatically and wrenched me to that side. There was also immediate pain in my ribs on the right. Luckily for me The Husband was home and forcefully helped the motor sit me upright and then got me to my feet and into another chair.
The bracket holding the wheelchair back in place completely broke.
Per usually, Nu Motion is short-staffed and it was going to take an entire week to get the chair looked at, so The Husband called Permobil, the manufacturer of the wheelchair and someone came in from Chicago to look at my chair. Bill worked on the chair for two solid hours and couldn’t do anything, so he said we would have to have Nu Motion fix the chair. Back to Nu Motion. It was still going to be Tuesday of this week before they could get to it.
Tuesday came and early in the morning someone came to pick up the chair and I had the chair back that same evening. All is well? No. Let me ‘splain: Because of the pain I was in the bed for two days and simply couldn’t rest anywhere. So, I said, let me see if I can rest in the chair. Carlos helped me up and together we walked to the wheelchair and I got in. It worked. I slept in the wheelchair Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I sat up and the wheelchair would not move. I mean no va. It simply wouldn’t go.
The controller, which is a mini-computer gave me all kinds of errors. I called Permobil and they helped me with a couple of them and then the wheelchair simply wouldn’t move at all and gave me an M2 MOTOR ERROR. Now I am on a waiting list again for Nu Motion to come and pick up the chair again.
When the wheelchair simply wouldn’t go and I was stuck at the dining room table I kind of…lost it. I was angry. I was scared. I was tired. I was tired beyond the depths of my Soul. All the pain I had been in, no mobility, waiting, waiting, and waiting pushed me to a place I have not been in quite a number of years.
It is a dark place. It is not a good place. Pain is about the only thing to break through the pitch.
In the past I faced this horrible place alone for the most part because I was young and could never bring myself to describe it to my beloved Mommy and Daddy or any of my sisters. I did one person and he slipped into the kitchen and brought me back a butter knife to slit my wrists so I wouldn’t be in such a place. I was nine years old and he was seven. I remember he closed the door softly and came back about an hour later and he was very surprised to see me lying on the bed with tears dried on my cheeks.
“Why didn’t you do it?” he asked.
“How could I do that to my Mommy and Daddy?” I asked him.
“Why do they matter?” was his response. I just looked at him then and knew he didn’t understand and could never understand not hurting someone so much even though the pain was all I could feel.
Now, I have The Husband and he withstood the torrent of anger, fear, pain, and despair. Then he did something amazing: He loved me anyway and told me he wasn’t going anywhere in his own way.
Did his profession and show of love stop the pain and all the rest? No. It is still there, but it isn’t pitch-black anymore. It will be a while before I will be able to look at the sunshine outside my window and smile, but it will happen. I didn’t let the pain defeat me and I am not going to let this slice of torment defeat me either.