As far as Monday’s go, today hasn’t been exceptionally bad at all. In fact, it hasn’t been bad. It has just been a Monday. Since the alternative to not having a Monday, i.e. being dead, is not one I relish the thought of, I feel wonderful to have a Monday.
Today has been specifically important because 1) I am beginning my study of tai chi over with more determination; 2) I did some really good qi gong (chee gong) exercises; and 3) I am making myself get back into meditation and prayer.
In order to be a whole, healthy person the body, mind, and spirit must work in unison. I have known this from a very early age and really pushed myself to have a more dynamic, unified self when I was younger. As I grew older and being forced to hold down a full-time job, try to have fun and a social life, and meeting all the expectations others had for me, I let this other part of me go. For the longest time I was able to keep going, keep pushing through because I had a lot of energy and a lot more physical strength than I do now. Now, however, I am having to rebuild the habits that helped me make it through almost dying several times.
Why am I doing this now? Why not? Now is when I need it, not tomorrow or next week. I should have worked toward the goal of being once again “unified”, but I am stubborn and if I don’t want to do something, well, it just isn’t going to happen. Today, while I was sitting outside doing some qi gong and some tai chi something remarkable hit me: I can do tai chi. It doesn’t look like everyone else’s, but even the instructor has told me what I do and how I do it could be effective…eventually…in a combat situation. I understand why he said “eventually”, too: I haven’t put enough practice and thought into the practice of tai chi so until I did the benefits wouldn’t really begin to show except unconsciously/subconsciously.
Another reason now is the right time is because the medications from all the doctors are finally beginning to work to give me the energy necessary to have a day. The past few months have been rough and I there were some days, some weeks, I wasn’t sure my heart was going to make it through the day because the pain was so intense. Some people have said you cannot die from pain, but this isn’t true. Your body and mind can take a lot of abuse, but when a certain point comes your body and your mind simply cannot take any more. When this happens the heart slows down and the mind grows calm, too calm. It is easy to just “let go” when that happens. However, “letting go” equals “giving up” in my world. I am NEVER giving up.
Fortunately for me, now the fight has changed and I am fighting far more smart than I ever have. I am using my greatest weapons: my brain and my faith. It isn’t going to be an easy fight. No fight is ever really easy. The opponent may be less skilled than you or less strong than you, but this doesn’t mean your opponent can’t get a lucky blow in and knock you on your butt. Even the strength of the greatest fighter doesn’t matter if, during the fight, he is out-thought and out-maneuvered. Yeah, it may only take him one time to hit you to take you down, but he must hit you that one time to do so, and no where does it say the smaller opponent must fight fair. Despite what happens in the movies, but a good strong two-be-fore can take someone out! *insert evil grin here*
This hasn’t been a choice or decision made just today. It is a choice, a decision which was solidified today. And, I feel really good about it now there is some energy to back up the desire to get better.